Deacon's Corner
Post-traumatic Growth
Many of our hymns express God as “all-powerful” and “unchanging,” subtly urging us to consider change as “bad” and implying that God is responsible for all our misfortunes – or at least unable to prevent bad things from happening to good people. This attitude raises questions: If God is all-powerful, why is this world not perfect? If misfortunes are God’s will, why do good people suffer while evildoers prosper? Was it God’s will that millions died during the Covid pandemic? What did I do to deserve to suffer? Why do things change just when we get settled into a routine? Why are some people “born lucky” – white, male, American, Christian, etc. – while others are disadvantaged? What good is God? What good is faith?
Let’s turn this on its head. If the world were perfect, it would be pretty static and boring, and we would get lazy and flabby from lack of challenge. We can actually grow by facing adversity, from taking action when something wrong makes us angry, threatens us, or leaves us lonely and hurt. Great human developments mostly occur during times of crisis; this even has a name: “post-traumatic growth” which prompts things like new medications and medical procedures. Good can come from challenges and great growth happens when it’s needed most – sometimes when it’s least expected.
We simply do not live in a static, changeless world. At last week’s Second Saturday program, it was suggested that “Suffering is the inability to accept impermanence.” This wording seems a little extreme, but it certainly suggests that when we find ourselves overwhelmed by
misfortunes, we can find something new to make life worth living. The group leader mentioned the loss of her husband as devastating, but also opening her up to new possibilities. I thought of losing my own husband; we had worked together, played together, and prayed together for forty years, and everything in my world was different without him. There were two choices: wallow in misery or change things. It wasn’t easy to face the world as a “single” when I had never even lived or worked alone before, but, by “putting one foot in front of the other,” I found that I could grow into my new situation, learning new skills because now no one else did it for me. Life was good again.
The most important factor in post-traumatic growth seems to be the ability to connect with and gain strength from other people, like my brothers and sisters in this church, who provided the support and comfort which would have been lacking in a solitary existence. Illumined by such a loving church family, life presented new opportunities and new interests.
Being open and available to the love and support of family and friends is most important when it is hardest to do. Perhaps this is God’s plan for us. Perhaps we should trust God when it is hardest to have faith.
Lyn Pickhover, Trying to Stay Open
