I hear all the noise, and wonder what will happen when the shouting is over and the outcome of this hyper-partisan election is known and (hopefully) accepted. How are we going to function as fellow citizens after all the hurtful insults and divisive rhetoric? I find myself asking: “What would Jesus do?” I believe Jesus would have found a way to bring people together. Remember, our custom of open Communion harks back to Jesus’ example of eating with good people and not-so-good people. I suspect the stories of feeding 4000 and 5000 people were made possible by Jesus’ prompting his listeners to share what little they had with friends, enemies, and strangers. (That actually would have been a bigger miracle than a supernatural expansion of five loaves and two fish.)
The story of the Good Samaritan is a another example of Jesus’ teaching to build bridges with those we might regard as enemies.
In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus instructs that before making an offering in the Temple, one should be reconciled with a friend. My Westar friends think Jesus probably said something similar to this: “You should come to terms quickly with your opponent while you are both on the way (to court).” The passage goes on to threaten that failure to reconcile creates the risk of being jailed until a judgment is paid. (MT 5:25) Whether Jesus was talking about being practical in a local court or protecting your soul in the Heavenly Court, he saw reconciliation as the best approach.
The Matthean gospel writer has Jesus set out the steps for settling disputes: “And if some companion does wrong, go have it out between the two of you privately. If that person listens to you, you have won your companion over. And if he (or she) doesn’t listen, take one or two people with you so that ‘every fact may be supported by two or three witnesses.’ Then if he (or she) refuses to listen to them, report it to the congregation. If he (or she)refuses to listen even to the congregation, treat that companion like you would a pagan or tax collector.” (MT 18:15-17) (N.B. Jesus hung around with sinners and tax collectors a lot.) The Westar scholars did not think Jesus said this, probably because the extreme result would be shunning the offender and possibly tearing apart the congregation. (I was not part of that discussion, so I can only guess.) Nevertheless, this basic method of confronting a dispute is a good one, and this type of dispute resolution is commonly used in our family courts where the best result is that there are no losers. Not long ago, our UCC Central Association formalized a process of restorative justice based on this method of dispute resolution.
Whether as a negotiator or a conciliator, I always find the best approach is to listen and learn what each side most wants and to craft an agreement that gives each side as much as possible of what really matters to him, her, or them. I’m still surprised at how often this works!
In our public and our private lives, may we always strive for amicable reconciliation so that there are no losers, but only winners who have graciously taken less than the whole pot.
Lyn Pickhover, Conciliator