Scripture: Ephesians 4:11-16 11 The gifts [Christ] gave were that some would be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, some pastors and teachers, 12 to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, 13 until all of us come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to maturity, to the measure of the full stature of Christ. 14 We must no longer be children, tossed to and fro and blown about by every wind of doctrine, by people’s trickery, by their craftiness in deceitful scheming. 15 But speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by every ligament with which it is equipped, as each part is working properly, promotes the body’s growth in building itself up in love.
Sermon: “We Will Speak…”
Every year I am struck by the beauty of Spring, but perhaps because we are coming out of a pandemic, Spring feels extra vibrant this year. I’ve been noticing--as I’m sure you have as well--the new growth that is popping up everywhere around us: in our yards, along the highways, in people’s window boxes, on trees, in garden beds--it’s miraculous to behold.
Perhaps because of this burgeoning Spring, when I read through today’s Scripture passage from Ephesians this week-- chapter 4, verses 11 through 16, I was acutely aware of all the words and phrases in the passage that refer to growth:
· “building up”
· “maturity”
· “full stature”
· “no longer be children”
· “we must grow up in every way…into Christ”
In the first century A.D., the Apostle Paul--or a later author strongly influenced by Paul’s teachings writing under Paul’s name--wrote to the newly established church in the city of Ephesus in Asia Minor (which is now Turkey) and encouraged them to keep growing together in faith, to become more and more like Christ. Paul wrote to encourage them to grow because he knew that making a decision to follow Christ was only the starting point of their faith--it was like planting a seed. He knew that what people do after they make that decision, how they grow, is what determines what their life will be like, how much they will change and how much of a positive impact they will have on the world.
The fact that Paul wrote this letter implies that growing is not automatic or necessarily easy. We have to do something in order to grow and get stronger in our faith. Which reminds me of a conversation I had with my doctor at my last physical. My doctor asked me how my knees were feeling, because last time he’d seen me, he had sent me to physical therapy for recurring knee pain, something I’ve had off and on for over 36 years, since I used to run way back in my early 20’s. I said, “Doctor, it’s the darndest thing. When I actually take the time to do my exercises faithfully, my knees rarely hurt. But when I skip the exercises, my knees ache. I guess it’s not rocket science…” He laughed.
It occurs to me that the same thing is true of our faith. When we actually take the time to engage in spiritual practices on a regular basis--such as prayer and worship and study and reflection--our faith “muscles” grow and get stronger. But when we don’t engage in these practices --or don’t engage much, then our faith isn’t as strong. It’s still there, of course, and God still loves us! But we aren’t enjoying-- or passing along the blessings of faith--as much as we could. In short, we are missing out. And I say “we” because faith in Christ was never meant to be a solitary practice. Faith in Christ is something that is meant to be practiced--and enjoyed!--with other people. (Which I know is not news to you. You all know the joy of being part of a church family, growing together in faith--words that you chose to put in your Purpose Statement--thanks be to God!)
But let me get back to this passage. Ephesians Chapter 4, Verse 15 reads, “But speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ.” Did this verse strike any of you as odd? I have to confess, it strikes me as odd every time I read it, because it’s not the advice I would have expected. After Paul talks about the importance of growing to maturity, I would have expected him to coach the church in how they need to practice the “usual” spiritual disciplines of prayer and worship and study and reflection in order to grow in faith. But that’s not what he says here!! He links growing to maturity in Christ with “speaking the truth in love.” Why would he say something like this? What does speaking the truth in love have to do with growing to maturity in Christ?
The answer to that question, I believe, is connected to the context and culture of the ancient city of Ephesus, the city in which the church Paul was writing to was located. The ancient city of Ephesus was a cosmopolitan center of business and commerce because it was accessible by both land and sea. It was where caravans coming from the far east, the Arabian Peninsula and Northern Africa would end up. It was where their goods could be loaded onto ships and distributed throughout the Mediterranean region “to Greece, Italy and the rest of the Roman [Empire.]”2
Because Ephesus was such an important city for international business and commerce, it was also a place that had people from multiple countries and ethnic groups. Since its founding in the eleventh century B.C.E., “it survived multiple attacks and changed hands many times between conquerors.”
With the constant influx of people from a multitude of cultures and races, not to mention hostile governments and politics, it’s fair to say, I think, that the people of Ephesus--including those who formed the first church there--were no strangers to conflict. So, it makes sense that Paul needs to coach them how to find ways to maturely engage with each other despite their differences--to grow up into Christ, whose primary character trait was compassion. And the way to do this, says Paul, is by “speaking the truth in love.”
Today and for or the next 2 weeks, I will be giving a sermon series on what it means, practically, to speak the truth in love. Because, like the people of Ephesus, we too are no strangers to conflict, and we too need to find ways to maturely engage with each other despite our differences, to grow together in Christ’s compassion. I will be basing the sermon series on this passage--and on the Covenant for Christian Communication that Franklin Federated Church voted to follow at Last February’s annual meeting.
Today’s Topic is “We will speak…” (Next week we’ll talk about truth, and the final sermon in this series will talk about love.)
Perhaps it is obvious, but in order to grow together in Christ’s love and compassion, we have to speak to each other. We cannot be silent. We cannot leave important things unsaid, even when those things do not fall into the category of what we might consider “nice speech.” This might be hard for some of us who grew up with the old adage, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I want to be clear, that even though many Christians of my parents’ generation taught their kids to live by this creed, Jesus did not say that. The Apostle Paul did not say that. In fact, no one knows exactly who came up with that old adage--when I Googled it, it is attributed to sources as different as Thumper’s mother from the Disney movie Bambi to the famous Aesop’s Fables!
All that to say, contrary to this old adage, being able to speak truth to each other--which can sometimes include things that are not necessarily nice--is crucial to becoming mature Christians. But the way we speak to one another is very important. Our words need to be chosen carefully--and spoken in ways that increase love and compassion. Our words need to bring life and health--they need to “build each other up”--in the words of this passage-- rather than tear each other down.
And, like the people of ancient Ephesus, we too need to be coached in how to find such words. That’s where our covenant for Christian Communication comes in. The first part, which we used for our Call to Worship today, has to do with how we speak. I’m going to ask Steve to please put the CALL TO WORSHIP slides back up on the screen now.
Using the covenant, let me go through these slides and give you some examples of things we can say to each other when we need to speak a “truth” in ways that build up our brothers and sisters in Christ.
Our covenant, says,
a. We will communicate calmly and directly to each other using the first person. Words spoken calmly and directly open up the conversation instead of shutting it down. (For example, in response to someone saying words that “sting,” rather than reacting in anger, we can give the other person the benefit of the doubt. We can respond by saying something like, “I know it’s not your intention, but when you said such and such, I felt dismissed or hurt [or some other adjective that names our feeling]….” And when we manage to speak calmly and directly like this about our own feelings, we set the tone and our tone invites the other person to respond in the same manner. And the beauty of this approach is that 99% of the time, they do! I can’t tell you how many times i’ve witnessed other people responding something like “I’m so sorry, that’s not what I meant at all…here’s what I meant” and they go on to explain further. And our compassion for each other grows… I bet you’ve experienced that too.
b. We will listen without interrupting (unless someone is breaking this covenant and needs to be asked to rephrase.) That’s a hard one, isn’t it? Listening without interrupting. But we all know how good it feels to be able to get our thoughts out without being interrupted. We all know how much we feel valued when someone listens to us without interrupting. And, conversely, we all know how invisible or devalued we feel when someone cuts us off or talks over us.
c. We will ask questions for clarification in order to confirm that we have understood correctly and ask others to do the same. As you have probably already discovered at various times in your life, this is one of the best techniques to avoid an argument. Rather than responding with anger to a statement that feels critical or contrary, one of the best ways to increase compassion and understanding is to ask questions. My favorite question--which I picked up from a therapist years ago, “I’m not sure I’m following what you mean, can you tell me more about that? Can you tell me why this is so important to you?”
d. We will value all opinions and recognize that everyone is equally important.
e. We will communicate with each other as if we were standing face-to-face with Jesus, asking what would God have us do, and seeking God’s voice in the other person. Both of these statements are grounded the understanding that we are all brothers and sisters in Christ, all equally loved by God, and God’s Spirit resides in each of us. Therefore, God’s Spirit could be speaking through any of us at any time. That’s not to say that EVERYTHING we say has its source in God’s Spirit. But we need to value each other’s opinions because we never know when God will choose to speak through other people telling us something that we need to hear.
f. We will take responsibility for our own speech, stopping ourselves if/when we notice our own words escalating tension or breaking this covenant. One of the signs of growing to maturity is being able to regulate ourselves. Rather than waiting for someone else to tell us when we’ve crossed a line, we need to be aware of our own behavior and feelings and monitor our own speech. AND, we need to be willing to stop ourselves when we notice that our words are having a negative effect on others. This is hard to do--I am trained in this, and I don’t always do it! But rather than continuing in a direction that’s not working, sometimes the smartest thing to say is, “You know, I think I need to stop talking for right now, I’m not helping the situation. Let’s pick this up another time.”
g. We will recognize that our words--and how they are presented--have consequences. Another old adage goes “sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me.” Not completely true. Words can wound us and others--and those wounds can take a long time to heal. When we recognize this, we can then take more care in how we say what we say-- and our words will build each other up more than tearing each other down.
I know this sermon has given A LOT of information. For homework, I invite you to download the Covenant for Christian Communication from this week’s email blast--if you haven’t already--or download it from the link I will put in the comments in just a few minutes. I invite you to read through the covenant a few times this week--and read through this scripture from Ephesians, and think and pray about how God might be calling you to grow in Christ by practicing speaking the truth in love. I will be doing the same thing. Feel free to send me a short email, if you want, about insights you’ve gained or how you have practiced speaking the truth in love. May God bless our work that we may continue to grow together in Christ!
Let us pray: O God, you call us to grow to maturity in Christ--and part of how we do that is speaking the truth in love. Be with us as we practice speaking in new ways, because it isn’t always easy. Bless us in our talking together, help us to forgive each other when we mess up and our words wound, and help us grow together in compassion despite our differences, that we may become more and more like Jesus and shine the light of your love in our world. Amen.
FOOTNOTES
1 Most scholars these days agree that Ephesians was “written by a later author strongly influenced by Paul's thought, probably "by a loyal disciple to sum up Paul’s teaching and to apply it to [a new situation in a later context after Paul’s death.]” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epistle_to_the_Ephesians#:~:text=Christ%2Dinspired%20lifestyle.-,Composition,and%20the%20Epistle%20to%20Philemon.)
2Ephesus, in the first century during the time of the Apostle Paul, was one of the largest and most important cities in the ancient world in terms of business and commerce. “Situated at end of the Royal Road—the chief thoroughfare of the Roman East—[it] was a western terminus of East-West trade, with one of the most important Mediterranean harbors for exporting products to Greece, Italy and the rest of the Roman West.” (https://en.unesco.org/silkroad/content/ephesus)
3Because it was such an important city, since its founding in the eleventh century B.C.E., “[Ephesus] survived multiple attacks and changed hands many times between conquerors.” (https://www.history.com/topics/ancient-greece/ephesus)
Rev. Dr. Marlayna Schmidt
Franklin Federated Church
Franklin, MA