Then Peter came and said to him: “Lord, if another member of the church sins* against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times.” (Matthew 18:21-22, NRSV).
Forgiving is sometimes simple, even when it is not easy. Separating parents do it for the sake of children; children love parents in spite of abuse; even victims sometimes forgive perpetrators. In the legal system, it’s relatively easy to assign blame; a judge or a jury of six or twelve listens to evidence and sides either with the accused or with the victim. Once decided – that’s the “truth”, folks, no matter what actually happened.
For us as Christians, however, sometimes forgiveness can be complicated, especially when forgiving a perpetrator further victimizes the injured person or someone else. Some behaviors even threaten the fabric of society, and they sometimes uncover ways in which others have been victimized. Shunned perpetrators have no incentive toward reform and unrecognized victims develop maladaptive and sometimes anti-social coping habits. Some injuries cannot be repaired, and everyone must carry on under this burden. These conundrums are common in a world of troubled families, and, as de facto lawyer-in-residence, I’ve even participated in some agonizing discussions within our own church family. It’s not easy to forgive, to be fair, to be a Christian.
The Saturday AM Bible study considered the ramifications of forgiveness in the story of a man and his two sons, commonly called “The Prodigal Son.” The questions raised are many: Who is to blame? What would the father’s forgiveness look like? What happens to the younger son who has spent his inheritance? What about the older son, has he been hurt? Will he have to share his part of the inheritance? What will happen when the father dies? Can you imagine the buzz of conversation after Jesus told this parable? (Which, of course, was the point of the parable.) Forgiveness can be complicated, and sometimes not everyone can be made whole. We do the best we can.
Lyn Pickhover, Trying
* Did you catch it? “Member of the church”? Really, this is carrying inclusive language too far! The Greek word is “adelphos” which old versions accurately translate as “brother,” and some modern language renditions try for something genderless like “colleague.” The drafters of the NRSV – our pew Bibles – should have known better. There was no “church” in Jesus’ time, or probably in Matthew’s time, either. A further observation: This translation also divides the world into “church” and “not church,” just another “us and them” duality, this time, ironically, in the name of inclusiveness. Read your Bible carefully, no matter which translation you choose.